Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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