Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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