You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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