I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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