Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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