I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
