speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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