i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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