I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
