There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
