Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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