please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
