Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
