Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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