Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
