i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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