Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
