Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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