WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
