just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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