the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
