Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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