You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
