Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
