oh god the rape fog is back!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
