dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
