I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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