Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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