They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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