it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
