1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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