covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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