The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
