No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I touched a dick in church today
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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