three words: i give head
three words: not that well
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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