R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
