Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
