i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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