the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
