I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
false alarm, still single
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
