What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Its about making memories worth repressing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
