I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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