I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
