I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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