I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
