are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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