Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You can't special order awesome
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
