I just pynch a tree in the face
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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