yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Alive.
So much puke
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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