You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
