I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
