I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
porn star boner night. come get it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That accounts for only three of the penises
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
