I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
