Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
