you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
