Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
