why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
