How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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