Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize