I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
