So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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