SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
