At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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