Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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