Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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