my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
