Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
