So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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