nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
