census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
