i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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