I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
