I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
