Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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