You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
