I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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