Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
