i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
