Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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