omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
