I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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