upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
