you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
