Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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