Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.