I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
