I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.