is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
did you just send me my own nude
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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