I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless