He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
