evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
These tits shall not be calmed